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Prepare to be enlightened!
You thought you'd seen everything there was to buy on the net didn't you you smug get. We are gonna prove you wrong, it is true you can buy anything on the net so take a look at the official Suzie and Paj Top 10 things to buy (or not to buy) on the net.
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Ordination
You can recieve ordination on www.ulc.net, no questions asked in just 3 minutes-why not ordain your pet squirrel percy while your at it? How impressed would your friends be then? Price: FREE! |
Rubber band gatling gun
You can find one of these liitle beauties at www.iwantoneofthose.com. It claims "to take rubber band warfare to a whole different dimension". nothing better than a good old rubber band gatling gun to make you feel hard has it pumps a huge 560 rounds a minute! Amazing stuff! Price: a mere £399.00-BARGAIN!
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Solar powered torch
You'd think it was all a joke but no really you can buy a solar powered torch. It is available at http://pescao.hypermart.net/cgi-bin/browse.cgi?page=elec to be precise and boasts such fetures as bicycle clips and the ability to float! What a steal! Price: £16.95 |
Flight to Tokyo from Edinburgh in June
The world cup is here! Flights to Japan are taking place from every corner of the globe (and Ireland), but from Edinburgh? We are talking about a country that's last world cup anthem (yes they have made it before) was "don't come home too soon" and in 2002 they couldn't be further away from the action so the trip would seem pretty pointless as world cup fever hits Tokyo, unless your a drunken Scottish thug who wants to terrorise little Japanese people by crushing cans of Tennant lager on your head and screaming "up Craig brown's, oops sorry, Berti Vogts (very Scottish name) tartan army" while showing all your glory as you jump up and down in your skirt/kilt. Whatever. You can get the flights from www.cheapflights.co.uk. Prices: £1171-2246.
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Non alcoholic beer
Ok so you can buy it anywhere but who actually drinks it? It tastes like crap and the only reason we drink beer is because it's cheap and we want to get to pissed up. You can buy this tripe at www.australianbrewingcorporation.com, Colstar claims to be "Australia's best brew". My arse. Price: Can't find one-they probably know as well as we do that non alcoholic beer is a no-go area by now. |
Used socks
You may think there is no motive for buying used socks. But you'd be wrong. These socks are being sported by lovely Victoria from www.victoriaspanties.com and come with matching wet knickers. RESULT! She regularly holds auctions for the socks she wears revealingly on her site so check it out if you know what's mmmmmmgood for you.
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Website
Go to www.freeservers.com and make your own website full of shit. It's so simple, even Suzie can do it!! You may even become famous like me one day my child. Price: Free! |
A soul
The soul of Nathan Wright, 24, who lives in a suburb of Des Moines, Iowa, recently sold his soul over the Internet for the first time. There have been many atempts to sell a soul at www.ebay.com but this is thought to be the first success. The soul is cintained within a jar which previously contained fudge. Tasty. Price: first soul sold went for a very reasonable
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Slave
In this lazy day and age can we really be expected to anything. No we can't. But little kids from Africa are more than willing to bust a gut for a packet of out of date nuts to keep you happy. you can buy garaunteed hard and strong worker equipped with clean teeth too. Bonus. You can buy a slave at www.mts.net. Go on be a cunt and order your little African today. Price: who cares a little African slave is priceless! |
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Parents
If you hate your parents or like Paj just don't have any what can you do? Here's the answer. There are plenty of loving families wanting a little twat just like you waiting right now. Go to http://dir.yahoo.com/Society_and_Culture/Families/Parenting/Adoption/Seeking_to_Adopt/Open_Adoption/ and you will find a list of endless American loons who are ready to cherish you and fill you full of fatty foods. Picture (right) is Eddie and Amy, described as "energetic, happy couple in middle Georgia eagerly hoping to match with a birthmother and start the family they have been praying for". Price: Free!
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